It is great if the outcome at the end of a distressing, dysfunctional relationship is the increase of your self-love, as you learned to love yourself (more). And it is quite another evolution to shift to unconditional love towards your ex-partner after the relationship broke up.
What I have noticed in people who went through agonising times during and at the end of a narcissistic-codependent relationship, that they learned to be more self loving However, at the same time they tend to hold a lot of unresolved rage, resentments and judgements towards the ex-partner. And that is not liberating.
In fact, holding anger and depreciation indicates that there are still some hidden emotional wounds. Still aspects of the self that hold on to self-righteousness, blame and judging the other as the 'bad' one.
The thing is, that we actually land in defective relationships only because we have unhealed core wounds. Most likely from a childhood trauma, from abuse and neglect. Also from past life carry-overs in this Earthly dimension, or other dimensions. We simply would not get into a deeply malfunctioning relationship unless we have some Achilles heel in our system which magnetises it.
In consequence, we can properly step away from the dysfunctional relationship only if we start healing ourselves. And in order to come truly out of the bond with the ex-partner, we also have to step up from self-love to unconditional love. We have to see the bigger picture.
Unconditional love is all inclusive. But it can only be felt. It cannot be thought or pretended. And once its felt in each and every cell and fibre, then we are truly complete and healed. And the other is also free to move on. As long as we hold emotional charge, neither party is free.
The only way to shift from self-love to unconditional love is to look within. Honestly look within, and heal. Acknowledge the pains of the past. Breathe through them, cry through them. Grief missed opportunities, grief betrayal and deceit, also self-deceit.
And fill our selves and soul with unconditional love, that we get always and endlessly through supreme source. We have to re-member though, that we are a drop of supreme consciousness.
In essence we are complete. And through that rememberance we heal and unfold beyond self-love into unconditional love.